She is nearly 70 years old, with wonderfully brown gnarled, wrinkled hands and eyes that are creased from smiling. She hand-makes all of her own clothes and sews dolls for my little sister. Abuela is very lonely… her husband already passed and her kids live far away. She misses her grandkids. Abuela comes around our place for the company almost every other day.
So this morning, my little sister and I went to visit the Abuela to return the kindness of her vegetables with some homemade soup.
It’s a funny joke we have, that if you can make a perfect posole you are wife material. I was joking around with my friend beforehand to see if I was worthy of marriage, and my little sister thinks me failing is the best thing in life, so of course she wants to ask Abuela when we arrive.
We’re wearing masks and gloves and can’t give her the big hug like we want to, but Abuela is always happy to see us. We bring the pot of soup to her table. My little sis, the little shit that she is, immediately asks, “Abuela, is Reina ready to be a wife yet?”
And Abuela immediately shifts her entire mood. Her face literally becomes this:
Abuela’s look pierces through my heart.
“Who are you trying to impress? A man or a woman?” she asks, deadly serious. We have broached the topic of marriage. It is her domain now.
And I, Rei, gay as the fourth of July, cannot believe that either Abuela clocked me instantly or that she could possibly have a fascinating past of her own.
I thought about lying, but my little sister was there and I don’t like to lie in front of her. So I was honest and said I was trying to impress a woman.
Without a response, Abuela carefully tries the posole. The room is silent.
“For a man, it’s good,” she says after a moment. “But, you’ll need to work harder to impress a woman.”
All I can do is politely nod. I have so many questions.
Now Abuela is tired. She wants to eat and relax in peace, so she waves us away. We make sure she’s settled, and then my sister and I go home.
I can’t believe my 70 year old Abuela said BI RIGHTS
this is the funniest fucking thing ever
not only did the grandma say bi rights but like
she had two separate scales of food judgement for men and women AT THE READY and there’s something inherently hilarious in “FOR MEN IT’S FINE, FOR WOMEN DO BETTER”
This is the conservative/christian sign for abortion. This is the sign used by those who are pro-life. This is a sign that is sexist, that demonizes abortion, that is anti women’s autonomy and female rights. It declares fetuses as full babies someone is throwing away. This sign can be genuinely triggering to deaf women who have had abortions.
If you want to go full-neutral, you can finger sign abortion.
Or, the scientific version (pregnancy-remove) that is considered the leftist way –
Do not spread the pro-life version. Conservatives specifically try to push their ways to sign things as the default. You are unintentionally helping overpower deaf women’s rights advocates.
Kronk: By whom, though? I might be your classic “hunk” body type, but I’m not exactly a top. I have a couple exes I could call that might be his type. Do you want someone who would take him out for dinner first, or just…
One day, Clark is bored at work so he messages Bruce saying as much, hoping they could talk for a bit to help pass the time.
What he did not expect was for Bruce to tweet ‘ostriches arn’t real’.
The office becomes alive with activity. Perry marches over and tells Clark to write an article about how one of the richest men in the world does not believe a bird exists.
The interview?
Clark Kent: “Would you care to elaborate on what you meant about not believing ostriches exist?”
Bruce Wayne: “No.”
Others then ask Bruce what his thoughts on other birds are. Penguins? Real. Flamingos? Not real. Pigeons? Some are, some arn’t. It depends.
On the upside Clark’s afternoon became a whole lot less boring. On the downside there is now a Twitter account called 'BirdsBruceWThinksArntReal’.
“robins?” clark asks as the last question. “robins aren’t birds.”
You CANNOT leave such a BRILLIANT addition in the tags
i think star trek should write an in universe reason why some series don’t have swearing and some do. make it a universal translator glitch or something.
the captain of each ship can turn the swears on or off when they want to
Kirk would have kept the swears on but any ship carrying Dr. Leonard McCoy is required by Starfleet regulations to turn them off
[Image description: a set of tumblr tags that say “#the tags from op are hilarious #spock gets briefly placed on a ship where the cursing is turned on and it turns out he’s been cursing like a sailor this entire time. #’fascinating’ is the universal translator’s way of making ‘fucking nuts dude’ starship appropriate #turns out when the translator says ‘illogical’ spock is actually saying something more like #‘your asshole and brain are indistinguishable from one another. do you really fucking need me to explain this you illiterate piece of shit’ #i cannot decide which would be funnier: if it turns out all vulcans talk like that actually #or just spock. #star trek #tos.”
Followed by a screencap from Star Trek: The Original Series showing Spock raising an eyebrow, it is captioned in all caps, “Fucking Nuts Dude.”
That last panel looks so peaceful. Sure they’re tired, but they’re genuinely enjoying themselves. Props to the artist for being able to convey such an interesting expression.
